You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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