meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
