Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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