oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
