It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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