Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
