also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
