He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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