She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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