If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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