I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
