It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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