Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
