At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
