I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
