Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize