mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
