So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
