fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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