it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The air taste purple.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize