Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
either way he was missing a nipple.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
