He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
