my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Someone shattered a urinal.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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