...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
