I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
