Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
