I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
