I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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