apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
