3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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