I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
