She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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