me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
