i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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