So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
