So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I understand Curling. That high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
