Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize