I can text with my tongue
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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