we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
