and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
