Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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