Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
