The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
