Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
