do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
