you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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