There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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