my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize