Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
