I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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