she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
