Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
