You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
