Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Welp...herpes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
