Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
