If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's never too late to be topless.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
