I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
