he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
