so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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