If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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