I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
