its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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