threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
