It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
