My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
