i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
