Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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