I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
