he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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