I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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