found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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