Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
