we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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