can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
