It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This house was built for laser tag.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
