sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize