Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
