Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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