Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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