everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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