im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
