Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
