I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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