i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
