I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
