Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
