you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
