office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
