Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize