i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
