a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
