everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
