The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
