you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
