were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
