This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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