Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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