ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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