Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
