Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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