Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
