It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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