Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
