There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
