I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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