And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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