You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize