it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
