Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
